What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
