My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
