hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My legs feel like baby dolphins
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