You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
