Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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