I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
