Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
