nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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