i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
