my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
