her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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