obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
