You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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