I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
