Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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