I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
