I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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