dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
