i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
