So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
