I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I wish you could order shots online.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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