she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
