shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
