i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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