Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
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