I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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