If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
