Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
