thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
