What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
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