ya dads aren't the best wingmen
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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