dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
