I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
