my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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