Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
