3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
