i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
