Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
