the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
