i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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