HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
