I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just invented taco cereal.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
