how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
