Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
