I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
