Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize