I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
