So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
