Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
