it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
