Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Your cock deserves a montage
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
