Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just blew my weed a kiss
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
