That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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