I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize