I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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