He is an equal opportunity slut.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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