I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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