I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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