I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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