Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
