letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize