She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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