Don't you send me to vm
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
