who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
