WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
