You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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