At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
