The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
