So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Vodka?
Forever.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
