Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize