How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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