Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
