Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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