I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize