as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
