No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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