Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Everclear isn't food dammit
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
