dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
