If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
