Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
