Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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