My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Let's paint friendship bongs
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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