i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
