I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
