My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
