you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
