how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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