he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
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