I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
