i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
