Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
