i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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