So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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