Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Randomize
