coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Just pee around me
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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