I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
