saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You've changed since you got that strap on
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
