And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Randomize
