I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
