Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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