I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
