I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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