you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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