it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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