Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
